I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize