BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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