I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
