I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The air was thick with penises
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
