that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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