I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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