I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
