I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
