My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
