dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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