as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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