Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
