I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
