I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
