know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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