worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
