make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
