she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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