i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
