i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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