if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
