im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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