just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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