I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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