glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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