she told me i tasted like america
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
