i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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