Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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