I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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