if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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