Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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