Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
do nipples grow back?
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