i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
