Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
