She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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