I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
