Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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