Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she smelled like a LAN party
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
