the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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