the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
