So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
