Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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