If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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