Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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