Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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