Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
