Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
