This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
