So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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