I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
sex in a hospital.. check
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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