My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
