I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
