i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
