It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
