I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
