Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
