i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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