I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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