I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
