I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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