Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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