that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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