Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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