My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
