At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
