My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
