Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
