yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
